


Fence

by WikdSushi



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Gen, Nori is a Little Shit, Nori loves kids, Professor Nori, Swearing, listfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7434142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WikdSushi/pseuds/WikdSushi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori loves kids.  In fact, he loves them so much, he just can't help giving them a helping hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madame_faust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madame_faust/gifts).



> Inspired by a wonderful old Tumblr thread by madame_faust.

  * Lads can’t get with child. This is one reason Nori flirts with them. Ladies can get with child, but not ladies who have already got with child. Nori has long since perfected the art of cooing over and listening to and sympathizing with, and even spoiling, every pregnant whore and shamed lass within a fortnight. While his preference is for dwarrowdams, he’s not stupid. Hence, he is loved in the Shire’s Get-A-Little-Little Alley, nearly every Mannish settlement ever founded, and even among the most adventurous elvesses. It was even rumored that he once knew (though never knew) a particularly adventurous Hobbit-lass, and on visiting to congratulate her on her marriage, was run out of Hobbitton by her infuriated husband wielding a poker and a skillet. (The observant noted his odd reluctance, years later, on approaching a particular home in the area, which was their party’s destination.) 
  * Whores work very hard, despite a fair portion of it being in bed (if they’re lucky). Hence, they’re grateful when Uncle Nori comes to visit, and their bairns reach for him with glee. He watches them all day (or night), sings lullabies, takes them to market, and lets them see all the shiny things they want. If one or two of these things should disappear into Uncle Nori’s coat, what does it matter? He always buys them a toy or treat, plays little games, puts them in a little sling to nap against his chest, even teaches them things like how to walk, or make a plait, or lean forward and kiss the shopkeeper. That this makes a fine distraction, well, it can only be coincidence. 
  * When the little nippers are big enough to walk, and feed themselves (and their shirts), sometimes Uncle Nori will gather up a whole string of his honorary nieces and nephews, tie bright little ribbons to their wrists to act as leads (he’s only lost, oh, three or four, and never the Dwarves), and takes them out for a nice, sunny day. The shopkeepers remember their favorites and offer little treats (and the occasional address, time, and preferred position slipped into Uncle Nori’s coat, always nice), and if the odd penny bauble is to disappear, well, Uncle Nori always returns them with a heartfelt apology. (He certainly couldn’t be the fellow on those wanted-for-poaching posters. No, of course not!) The little tykes even turn them over of their own wherewithal. After all, shiny things go to Uncle Nori! And such has been the case for many, many years. 
  * Later on, when the children are not so toddling, and Uncle Nori no longer ends a day with a sleeping child in each arm (and often one slung against his back), he takes them out only one or two at a time. Not so easy to keep track of, though he’s kind as ever, even when admonishing the children for nicking things. Things only go missing when there are loads of people in the shop or at the table, and with so many children, well, Uncle Nori only gets to see his little tykes once in a while. Sometimes, he tells the shopkeepers of his brothers at home, whom he had to leave behind–-only so much food for too many mouths, of course, and he cares for his little ones in their honor. Later, just before he leaves them at home, he gives them books and toys and bags of sweets in exchange for a few items worth more than all of what he gave them put together. 
  * Soon, the children know well enough the kinds of things he likes, and save them for him. He’ll be back soon enough, with tales and sweets and more toys that their mothers will sooner or later sell to make rent. 
  * But all children grow up, and after so many years, they start growing up, and whores’ children do grow so quickly. They start keeping one or two things back for themselves, simply not mentioning it, but eventually, they slip. They give something to Mother. Suddenly, they live in a bigger room, or even two rooms! Mother no longer smells of cunt and jism, and they hire a washerwoman, who keeps those stinks lighter in the sheets as well. They ask Uncle Nori why he gets to keep everything. Why, they never asked! Oh, but which is your favorite, poppet? This one? Keep it. That one? Oh, that’s a bit flashy, but why not this? Or this? Oh, or this one, surely the gems aren’t paste! 
  * But there comes a day when Uncle Nori visits, and there’s no marker in their spot. He may never again see the child he raised so well again, or they may only share a brief, professional nod. Whatever the case may be, he goes on to the next marker or the next whore, contented that he’s given another child something better than an uncle. He’s given them a good, dishonest living. 




End file.
